she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
