it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
