I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
