If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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