Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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