he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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