If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
