Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
