ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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