i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
