I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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