and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
