woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
