life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
