dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
