i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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