who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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