She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
