I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
