Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
