We got so high we made milksteak
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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