Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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