can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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