He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
