I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All I want is dick and wine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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