I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
