Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
