Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just found puke in my bra..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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