I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
