Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
