You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
how drunk are you?
Several
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
