.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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