i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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