My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
