You're so nebulous sometimes
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
