I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How external is "for external use only"?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
