Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
