Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
