Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
