i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
