none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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