he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All I want is dick and wine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
