she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
