Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We don't watch enough power rangers
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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