How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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