It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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