Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
