it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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