Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
