420 ftw
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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