i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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