My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
